


Love or Duty

by Sioux



Series: After the Desert [2]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-30
Updated: 2012-03-30
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:30:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sioux/pseuds/Sioux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an exploration goes wrong Jon doubts himself.</p><p>Thanks to those lovely people who have spent so much time on beta reading this for me; Kylie, Alexis and Leah</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love or Duty

“So explain again why you are flying the shuttlepod and not Mayweather?” Reed asked.

“Well, it goes kinda like this. Someone had to keep Enterprise on a steady heading. So I got the chance to come down here.”

Reed grunted before replying in his clipped accent,

“I could have flown the shuttle.” 

“Yeah, I know Malc, but I thought you bin lookin' a little tired lately,” Trip replied, grinning.

Archer turned his head away to hide his smile. In reality Trip had begged and pleaded to fly the shuttle down to the planet. Archer, unable to refuse his lover had agreed. Reed, on discovering that both the Captain and his Chief Engineer were intending to descend in the same shuttle had made his concerns known. Archer listened carefully to his armoury officer’s complaints then promptly dismissed them. The planet below them was uninhabited, but it had some interesting mineral deposits and, according to the first survey team, some extraordinary botanical specimens as well - hence the second shuttle trip. It wasn't as if they were flying into the middle of a conflict.

Tucker landed the pod gently in a clearing with hardly a bump.

“Nice landing Commander." Reed's compliment seemed sincere.

“Thanks Malc. Tell you what, I’ll let you fly her back to the ship. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like you want to see how a real expert handles her," Reed said, cheekily, skipping out of the shuttle before Trip could think of a reply.

Archer laughed out loud as he prepared to leave. Then, inexplicably, his laugh turned to a yelp, whilst Trip started grinning again.

“Is there a problem, sir?” Reed asked, sticking his head back in the shuttle.

“No. No problem,” he replied, rubbing his right buttock and aiming a murderous glance back at the grinning chief engineer.

“D'Soto, Perrell and Sanghavani are about a kilometre in that direction,” Reed remarked, studying his tricorder.

“Over there it is then,” Archer replied, following Reed as he and Trip exited the craft carrying their own bags full of investigative equipment.

Behind Reed Archer shot Trip an amused look and leaned in to whisper,

“You’re going to regret that!”

“Promises, promises,” Trip whispered back, keeping his eye on Reed’s back as he landed a quick kiss on Archer’s cheek.

Archer shot him a warning glance.

“We’re on duty,” he hissed.

“Won’t be later,” Trip replied, arching his eyebrows suggestively then running his tongue slowly across his top lip. 

Archer swallowed hard, his mouth abruptly feeling like the Sahara. Sometimes Trip could turn him on almost without meaning to, but when he deliberately flirted like this Archer found his mind instantly heading into his pants. He hadn’t noticed Reed disappearing behind a rocky outcrop, so he was totally knocked off his guard when Trip grabbed his neck and pulled him in for a deep, tongue twisting kiss. Archer moaned softly into Tucker’s mouth as his lover licked his palate and teeth, then pulled away smiling sweetly up at him.

“I promised myself I’d get to do that one day,” Tucker said, running the pad of his thumb across Archer's bottom lip.

“You’ve kissed me before. Many, many times!” Archer said, a little breathlessly.

“But not under a blue sky on a summer’s day,” Trip replied.

“You’ve been dreaming about that?” Archer asked, his face softening into a pleased smile.

“Well, my dreams go a quite a lot further than that, but I wouldn’t want to frighten Malcolm!” 

“Sir!” Reed’s voice came from a way ahead.

“Yes Mr Reed?” Archer shouted back, hurrying to catch up with the officer and dragging Tucker behind him. He wanted to hear about those dreams, in glorious Technicolor detail, as soon as they were decently alone.

“I want to have a look at those rock deposits over there, I’ll catch up with you and the Commander,” Reed said, eyes still on his tricorder. “There may be some quartz like substance in them.”

“Go ahead Lieutenant. Join us and the rest of the survey team at the caves,” Archer said, indulgently.

 

Later on, after his detour via the rocks, Reed made his way back towards the system of caves. He entered and followed the sound of his colleague's voices. Ensigns D'Soto and Perrell and Lieutenant Sanghavani were standing grouped together around Perrell's botanical specimens, chatting happily. Archer and Tucker were several yards nearer Reed's position with their backs to him, facing the rest of the team. As he looked he could see Archer’s hand resting lightly on Tucker’s waist whilst the two men consulted a tricorder between them. They were standing very, very close together, Archer slightly behind Tucker. Archer’s hand drifted down until it was resting on Tucker’s bum. Reed stared as his commanding officer’s hand then caressed the flesh under his palm before moving unhurriedly back up to Tucker’s waist. Commander Tucker gave no sign he had even noticed this strange behaviour. Reed frowned then consciously put the image aside for later thought. He moved forward past the two men. Tucker looking up in surprise at his colleague then at Archer. 

Reed must have seen where Archer’s hand had been resting a few seconds before. Archer shrugged and moved towards Reed who was showing his tricorder readings to the other three members of the team.

“It is a quartz like structure,” he was saying, “but it is buried in a metal which shows a lot of he characteristics of potassium….”

At this point he was interrupted by the sound of flesh sharply meeting flesh.

“Are you quite well Commander?” Reed asked, as five heads turned and looked at Tucker.

“Sure. Just some sort of mosquito,” he replied, wiping the remains of the unfortunate insect down his trouser leg. “Carry on, Lieutenant,” he added motioning with his hand.

“As I was saying, the structure has some unusual crystals buried within, which give off an ultra high frequency sound wave when the material is struck. With this kind of energy …..”

A sneeze interrupted his discourse this time. He glanced up at Tucker, then looked again. Tucker was swaying and pulling at the neck of his undershirt.

“Commander?”

Tucker sneezed again, then looked at Reed. Reed noticed Tucker's eyes were quite swollen and he was alarmingly pale and he was almost sure he could hear the beginnings of a wheeze. Reed cleared the previous recorded readings then pointed his tricorder at Tucker. By this point Archer had also noticed Tucker appeared to be in some respiratory distress.

“I think he’s having a massive allergic attack, sir,” Reed said crisply.

Archer strode to Tucker taking his arm.

“Trip?”

“Jon!” Tucker gasped, wheezing now in earnest and struggling to breathe. His legs, trembling and shaking, gave out and if not for Archer’s arm he would have fallen to the ground, hard. Archer lowered him gently to the silted floor. Tucker grabbed the front of Archer’s uniform, trying to pull himself up. His mouth worked but no words were forthcoming, then his eyes rolled back in his head, foam and mucus pouring from his mouth as he went into a strong convulsion, his whole body locked in vicious muscle contractions, his head repeatedly bouncing against the floor. Archer put his hand behind Tucker's skull, using it to cushion the impact of his head hitting the ground.

“Get the first aid kit!” Reed shouted at D'Soto, who scuttled off to the nearer shuttlepod immediately.

Archer looked on in horror as Trip’s skin started to turn greyish blue, his eyes so swollen he could barely open them. His back arched in a long, drawn-out spasm then, as suddenly as it had begun, the convulsion ceased. Archer heard Reed swear softly under his breath. Tucker stared sightlessly up at the roof of the cave, the hand in Archer’s hand going completely lax as his heartbeat ceased. 

Uncomprehendingly Archer stared at his lifeless lover. Reed leaned forward quickly, wiping Tucker’s mouth with his hand, putting his fingers inside to clear away as much of the debris as possible then tipping his chin up to ensure a clear airway. When this failed to restart his breathing Reed took out and unwrapped a mouth to mask resuscitator, from Perrell's kit bag, and sealed it over Tucker's mouth and nose. Leaning down and fitting his mouth over the airway vent he tried to force air into the other man’s chest. Reed knew he wasn't getting enough oxygen into his body when Tucker's chest failed to rise. Reed repositioned Tucker's head then tried again with the same result.

"There must be a blockage somewhere," Reed muttered to himself. 

Training taking over, Archer dropped Trip's hand, found the right spot, joined both hands together over Tucker's sternum, and began cardiac massage.

“His throat is too swollen, I can’t get any air in!” Reed said urgently, feeling the hard mass of tissue around Tucker’s larynx. "CPR's not going to help much until we can get some air in," he told Archer smartly, who stopped his efforts.

Reed grabbed the first aid kit from D'Soto and feverishly rifled the contents for a hypospray. He fitted the correct drug container and dialled the dosage then pressed it to Tucker's neck. He put his first two fingers against Trip's neck feeling for a pulse. For several seconds nothing happened, then Reed shouted,

"I've got something! It's very faint."

Tucker drew in a slight breath, then another.

"Come on Trip," Archer muttered, willing Trip to keep breathing.

Reed kept his fingers pressed against the carotid artery, his heart sinking as he felt the pulse flutter away to silence once again as Tucker's breathing stopped.

"Shit!" Reed swore. "I've lost it!"

"Give him another dose!" Archer ordered.

"No sir, it'll be too much for him," Reed replied.

"He's dying Malcolm! Do it!"

Against his better judgement Reed gave Tucker a second dose. It had even less effect than the first one.

"Can't intubate him, his throat is too swollen, we'll have to do an emergency tracheotomy," Reed said to Archer.

“Call for immediate transport, and have Phlox standing by,” Archer ordered. 

Ensign D’Soto flipped open her communicator to get the message through to Enterprise. 

Knowing time was of the essence Reed took a laser scalpel, efficiently cutting through Tucker’s undershirt to reveal his lower neck and his collarbones. Then he pulled a collar from the first aid pack. It had a small square box at the front, which rested in the sternal notch, with a tube, several inches long, projecting outwards. He fastened the collar snugly around Trip's neck then pressed two green dots simultaneously on each side of the box. The dots began to flash whilst the box moved around on the man's neck, looking like it was trying to find a comfortable position. When it went still again, there was a dull hiss of compressed air and the tube became shorter. Immediately, air could be heard whistling through the tube. Reed pressed into the great artery at Tucker’s neck, 

“I've got a pulse, sir.”

Tucker's chest rose again, bringing air in through the tube at this throat. The wet sound Reed could hear as the air bubbled in didn’t hearten him much though. Tucker’s lungs were filling with liquid and unless the liquid could be removed and replaced with oxygen, Commander Charles Tucker III would very soon be brain dead. 

It seemed like a lifetime later when D'Soto's communicator chirruped. She received a hurried message, acknowledged it, then Tucker’s body dissolved into sparkles of energy. 

"We've got him D'Soto. Enterprise out," came Sato's tinny voice through her communicator.

The silence in the cave afterwards was oppressive. Archer sat back on his heels, getting his breath back as did Lieutenant Reed. Archer was appalled at the frightening rapidity of how Tucker had changed from a fit and healthy young man to a virtual corpse at his feet.

"I want level four containment from now on," Archer ordered grimly. "If anyone sees another one of those insects, capture it for Dr Phlox to study."

His crew dispersed pulling on light gloves and helmets from their packs. No skin was left uncovered. Reed glanced at Archer, watching him wipe the sweat from his face before putting on his helmet. It could have been his imagination but he was sure he saw his eyes shining a little too brightly in the dimness.

"Let's get the samples we need and then get back to the ship. I don't want to risk anyone else to the wildlife on this planet," Archer rapped out.

Silently, the team went about their business. The sun, blue sky, grass and trees somehow didn't seem very friendly any more. A couple of hours later they had collected what they wanted and were making their way back to the shuttlepods. Reed took the pilot's seat whilst Archer strapped their baggage down and then joined him in the co-pilot seat, both silent and wrapped in their own thoughts. Once clear of the planet's ionosphere Reed opened a communications channel.

"Reed to Phlox."

Archer looked sharply at him but didn't say anything. After a pause the doctor's voice answered.

"What can I do for you Mr Reed?"

"How's Commander Tucker?"

"Commander is Tucker is still ill. But, I am happy to say, he is responding very well to treatment and is out of danger."

Reed felt rather than saw Archer's shoulders slump in relief. His own wide grin told of his joy at the news too.

"May I ask if anyone captured one of those insects which bit him?" Phlox asked.

"Yes, Doctor, we did," Archer replied.

"Good work Captain. I am very interested to see what kind of creature could produce such powerful venom. Phlox out."

Archer was inanely grinning at the stars outside before he turned to Reed.

"Thanks Malcolm."

"What for? I haven't done anything."

"You saved Commander Tucker's life, that isn't nothing."

"I seem to remember you and Ensign D'Soto having a hand in that, sir."

"However you want to phrase it, thank you, anyway."

Both men were silent for a time before Reed cleared his throat and asked diffidently,

"May I ask if you and the Commander are in a relationship?"

"What makes you say that?" Archer asked, prevaricating.

"I saw you in the caves, sir. Normally I would say it is none of my business but you are the commanding officer and Trip is third in command of Enterprise. As security officer I should know about any emotional relationships between the Captain and a subordinate officer," Reed reminded him. 

"I know Malcolm. I should have told you before," Archer apologised. 

"Have you very recently begun an intimate relationship with Commander Tucker?" Reed asked, when Archer didn't seem to be disposed to continue with the conversation.

"Not particularly recently, no," Archer replied.

Reed smiled slightly before saying,

"A little superstitious?"

Archer raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"If you tell anyone about it, it'll go pear-shaped," Reed elaborated.

Archer replied with a sad smile of his own.

"Yeah, you could say that." 

"I'll put it in my log when we return, sir," Reed said, concentrating on his piloting.

After a pause Archer said slowly, 

"No, I don't think you'll need to do that Malcolm." 

Reed shot him an uneasy look before saying stiffly,

"As you wish, sir. Let me know if anything changes."

 

As soon as he possibly could Archer headed to sickbay. He checked at the side of the biobed. Trip looked so pale lying there he could almost have been the near corpse he had seen transported back to the ship. The skin around his eyes still looked a little puffy and lightly bruised. A sheet had been pulled up to just above his nipples. Slightly distorted by his golden chest hair, a dark rose of a bruise had blossomed over his sternum where Archer had pressed hard in his futile efforts at CPR. A tiny scar in the sternal notch was all that was left of Reed's emergency tracheotomy.

"Captain!"

Archer jumped, startled. He hadn't even noticed Phlox gliding up beside him. The doctor motioned him into his office.

"How is he Doc?"

"He's coming along well. Do you have the insect?"

Archer produced a glass sample container, the creature buzzing around inside.

"Very good! For something so small it has quite a bite to it."

"Was it the venom that nearly killed Trip?" Archer asked.

"No, not at all. It's quite a mild but interesting poison. Mr Tucker just happens to be very badly allergic to some components of it. Once he was breathing again and I neutralised the histamine, he began to return to normal very quickly," Phlox replied, studying the insect.

"I thought he was a goner."

"He would have been if you hadn't got some oxygen into his lungs."

"Malcolm did that. I was too busy doing CPR."

"CPR is a good idea, generally, when the heart has stopped, but it was a waste of time in this case," Phlox told him cheerfully. "All you were doing was shifting deoxygenated blood around. Wouldn't have done him any good at all. Mr Reed's use of the tracheotomy kit was the best thing to do in this instance."

Archer felt completely deflated. He hadn't helped Tucker at all. By the sound of the doctor’s assessment he had been doing more harm than good.

"Can I see Trip?" he asked a little plaintively.

"What? Oh, yes of course. Go right ahead Captain. I'll just have a closer look at this little fellow," Phlox said, hurrying off with his prize.

Trip's hands were clasped together over his ribs, as if he were laid out ready for burial. Archer reached out gingerly and placed his hand over Trip's, expecting to find the chill of the tomb on his skin. The hand under his, warm and very much alive, moved and turned to clasp him. Trip opened his eyes and smiled at his lover.

"My saviour!" he croaked.

"There are a few others who deserve that title, Trip!" Archer replied, trying to keep the tone light.

Trip shook his head and continued to smile whilst pleading,

"Jon, get me out of here! I can rest better in my own quarters."

Archer knew all about Trip's dislike of hospitals, and, on this ship, sickbay rated as a hospital.

"See what the doctor says first. I'm not promising anything," Archer replied.

"One more thing, Captain!" Phlox said, emerging from his office. "Commander Tucker should be taken off the duty roster for the next two days then, if he continues his excellent progress, light duties for a further two days, then he should be back to full strength."

"Can I go now, doc?" Trip whispered, urgently.

"Well, if the Captain agrees to take you to your quarters to rest, I don't see why not," Phlox agreed, looking at Archer and missing the huge smile of relief on Tucker's face.

"Are you sure Doctor?" Archer questioned, ignoring the frantic squeezing on his hand. "Is he OK to be on his own?"

"He'll feel sleepy and some weakness is to be expected, but there is no reason why he shouldn't be allowed to sleep in his own bed. The poison in his system has been neutralised as has the histamine response."

Before Doctor Phlox had finished speaking, Tucker was attempting to get to his feet.

"Clothing may be a good idea, Mr Tucker, before you leave your bed," the doctor reminded him gently.

"I'll bring the sheet back later," Trip promised, wrapping it around his waist.

"You'll lie there for another five minutes until I bring you your sleeping gear!" Archer replied firmly, helping Tucker back onto the bed.

Trip pouted at him, but the Captain was unmoved. Less than ten minutes later Archer had assisted Trip into shorts and a T-shirt and then along to his quarters. Once there, he had reversed the dressing process and helped him into bed. Tucker was looking tired now but as Jon was about to leave he shot out his hand to hold onto his arm.

"Can you come back later?" Trip asked in a husky voice.

"Yes, I can. I'll bring us some dinner, but you need to get some rest until then."

"I will," Trip replied, pulling Jon down for a kiss.

Despite all his good intentions Archer couldn't help responding to the soft, warm lips under his own.

"Mmmm, do you have to go just now?" Trip asked, when they pulled apart.

"I'm afraid I do!" Archer said, smiling. "You need sleep."

"I could think of something else to do," Trip replied, the huskiness in his voice making it sound positively indecent, even around his yawns.

"You wouldn't be able to stay awake long enough!" Archer laughed.

"Will you stay the night?" Tucker asked longingly. "I sleep better when you're in my bed," he reminded Archer.

"Only if you really want me too," Archer said softly, leaning down to bestow one last kiss on his sleepy engineer. 

He stayed sitting on the edge of Tucker's bed, watching him trying to fight his weariness, holding onto Tucker's hand and stroking the backs of his fingers soothingly.

"May bands of angels soothe you to your rest," he misquoted quietly, watching Tucker descend into drugged oblivion.

 

Several hours later, when Tucker awoke properly, he realised he wasn't alone. Archer was sitting at his tiny desk studying a padd. Two covered plates and two full glasses on a tray at his elbow attested to the fact Archer had brought dinner with him, but hadn't woken him to eat it, or even eaten himself.  
He turned over in bed in order to take a good look at Archer. From the way he was slumped in the chair Tucker surmised Archer was unhappy. When he moved Archer looked up and smiled at him, putting down the padd and coming over to his bed.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

Trip shook his head trying to work out what was different about Archer.

"How are you feeling? I brought us some food. Are you hungry?"

Trip shook his head.

"Thirsty," he whispered. "Could I have some water please?"

Jon got up and headed to the fresher, returning with a glass of cool, wonderful tasting water, which Trip gulped down in a very few swallows.

"More?"

He nodded and dealt with the next glass just as quickly. Cradling the cool glass to his chest he made a move to get out of bed.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

Trip looked at Jon squarely.

"I need to take a leak! Unless you want to come and hold it for me?"

"No, that's OK," Archer replied quickly, giving him a hand to get out of bed. The pale bottom heading away from him held Archer's attention until the door shut on it. A couple of minutes later he heard a sardonic laugh from the bathroom before Tucker emerged with damp hands and genitals.

“The Doc wasn’t kidding when he mentioned where else I might be bruised!”

"What do you mean?" Archer asked, looking at his chest and eyes.

Trip settled himself on the bed, over the covers and spread his legs, giving Archer an interesting view in the process. He carefully lifted his quiescent penis up so Jon could see what he was getting at.

"Ohh!" he gasped in sympathy, reaching out to touch the soft, discoloured flesh. "Nobody touched you there!"

"Phlox says it's part of the allergic reaction," Trip said with a laugh. "Lots of soft tissue swelling and when it starts to go down it sometimes bruises."

Archer was dumbfounded looking at the damage whilst absentmindedly cradling Trip's balls in his hand. It took a little time before he noticed that Trip's breathing was speeding up.

"Are you OK?" he asked, worried.

"Oh yeah! I'm just fine," Trip replied, swallowing hard and moving his hand away to reveal what had come up.

"Oh!"

"What did you expect? My lover's been sitting on the bed stroking my balls. That does generally get a reaction. Especially when my lover is as hot as you are," he finished with a big smile.

"Well, I thought, um, no I didn't think. I assumed you'd be too ill. I'm sorry that must hurt," Jon apologised eyeing Tucker's erection.

"Doesn't hurt really," Trip replied, suddenly serious, pulling his legs under him then stalking forward on hands and knees to straddle Jon. "I could even say everything feels mighty fine."

Trip leaned forward to claim Jon's mouth in a passionate kiss. Jon pushed him back gently by his shoulders.

"I don't think this is very good idea, Trip. You need time to get over this morning."

"I'm fine," he mumbled zeroing in again.

"Trip! You died in my arms this morning!"

"I'll die in your arms again tonight, hopefully," he replied in between placing butterfly kissed along Jon's jaw.

Jon pushed him away fiercely then shook him hard by his shoulders, shouting at him,

"That's not funny!"

Trip was so surprised he stopped what he was doing and looked in amazement as a solitary tear ran down Archer's face.

"It wasn't funny, Trip," Archer repeated more quietly, loosening his death grip on the other man's arms.

"Jon, it was a joke. I’m alright now."

"I know. I know you are."

Trip took one of his hands and placed it over the bruise on his chest, holding it there with both of his hands.

"You did this Jon. You got me back. You didn't give up on me. You and Malcolm stopped me from getting brain damaged until Phlox could revive me."

Jon shook his head.

"No, I knelt there holding you. I couldn't even think. I didn't do any good at all."

"I wouldn't call giving me CPR not doing any good."

"According to Phlox that was a waste of time. All you needed was some oxygen in your lungs and your heart would restart on its own. Malcolm saved your life, not me," Jon said bitterly.

"Jon, you did what you thought was the right thing. I'm still here."

"No thanks to me. What does this make it? The third time I've nearly gotten you killed?"

"Third time?" Tucker asked, confused.

"You and Malcolm nearly froze to death in the shuttlepod…."

"That wasn't your fault!"

"….dragging you down to a desert planet when I know you can't handle the heat and you didn't want to go in the first place and now this."

"I begged you to let me fly down to the planet, Jon! If it's anyone's fault, it should be mine!"

"I let myself be unduly influenced by my emotional attachment to you, and you nearly died because I couldn't make an objective decision. Oh, I wish we hadn't started this again!" Archer burst out.

"Started what?" Trip asked, getting out of his depth and looking confused.

"All this! Started having sex again. I've completely lost my objectivity where you are concerned."

Trip looked extremely hurt.

"I thought we had a relationship and were making love in a relationship. I didn't realise you were thinking of it as just sex."

"Having sex, making love, whatever. It's the same thing and you deserve better."

"No it isn't the same thing and better than what?" Trip asked.

"Better than someone who does the wrong thing or freezes when you're injured. Better than a partner who always has to think of everyone else, not just you! I so wanted to drop everything and beam back with you but I couldn't. I had to be there for the rest of the crew."

"I know that. It's not a problem."

"Yes, it is. You should have someone in your life who puts you first!"

Trip was silently digesting his meaning.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked quietly.

Archer paused and dropped his eyes before he answered.

"I think it's for the best, Trip. We shouldn't have gone back to having an intimate relationship. Give yourself a chance to find someone else. Someone you don't have to share with eighty other people, all of whom will always have to come first."

"I don't want anyone else. I want you."

Archer shook his head.

"Is there someone else?" Trip asked, suddenly looking uncomfortable in his naked state. "Tell me the truth, please. I deserve that, at least."

Archer jerked his head up and looked into Trip's eyes as he icily asked,

"When do I get time to pursue other relationships? There's no-one else."  
'Only you', his heart tacked onto the sentence.

"The time, or the energy!" Trip remarked dryly, recovering slightly, now he had seen the truth in Archer's eyes. 

"Or the energy," Jon agreed. "There's another reason you should find someone else. You need someone who doesn't come to bed too tired to make love five nights out of seven."

"Just like I'm always ready and eager every night? It's give and take Jon. You need to get off this guilt trip."

"I'm not on a guilt trip. It's the truth."

"Jon, now you listen to me," Trip said, holding Jon's head steady with both hands and looking into his eyes. "We both chose this life, freely. And we both know the score. I don't put you first, I can't. I have to put the engines of this ship first, just like you have to put the ship and the crew ahead of me. I understand that and you are one of the few people who understand that I am an engineer first and your lover second."

"Of course I understand, but…"

"No buts. That's the way it is. Now we might have two more hours together or we might be very, very lucky and have fifty years together. Whichever it is I want to enjoy that time with you, without worrying about what's going to happen days or months or even years down the line. Given the choice I want to eat with you, sleep with you and make love with you as often as I possibly can, if you'll have me. I want to fuck you until we're both so old our bones are too brittle to allow us to touch each other!"

"Oh Trip!" Jon said, all the steam going out of him as he dropped his forehead onto Tucker's shoulder. "When did you get to be so wise?"

"About the same time as you got to be so stupid," Trip answered, holding him in a bear hug. "You freaked out Jon, that's all."

After a pause Trip continued,

"You know, for a second there I thought you were serious about breaking up."

Archer heaved a huge sigh.

"For more than a second there I was serious. I'm going to end up getting you killed because I always think with the wrong head when you're around. When you went into a convulsion, I couldn't even remember what to do! If it had been anyone else I would have reacted with the correct treatment. You could have been left a vegetable through my inaction."

"You remembered in the end though, that's all that matters."

"If Malcolm hadn't been there you would have been either dead or brain damaged. My delay, my mistakes would have cost you your life and your career."

"Could have but didn't. Now forget about it, it's over," he ordered hugging him tightly. 

"Trip, I'm not sure I can live with myself if I'm stupid enough to let something happen to you just because I'm thinking with my dick and not my brain," Archer's slightly muffled voice replied.

"You're not going to be that stupid. Anyway if something does happen to me remember, you survived just fine for thirty some years before you met me, you'll survive just fine if I go first. Even if I have to come back and haunt you to make sure of it!"

A weak, half giggle against his shoulder answered him.

"Do you still want to leave me?" Trip asked quietly.

Archer shook his head as best he could.

"I never wanted to in the first place. I just wanted to give you an easy way out if you wanted one."

"I don't want a way out. If I ever do, you'll be the first to know."

Archer drew back out of the possessive embrace so he could look into Tucker's face. He stared hard for a few minutes before brushing back the hair, which had flopped onto his forehead, and saying reverently,

"You are amazing."

"Yeah, I know!" Trip replied laughing. 

Jon decided to stop the laughter in the best way he knew how, not that Trip was going to complain about being kissed senseless. They knelt together on the bed, Trip straddling Jon's lap, exchanging long kisses, short pecks, nibbling kisses against lips and cheeks, licks and deep, toe curling kisses. The hard bulge rubbing between Trip's thighs told him Jon was as turned on as he was and Archer couldn't exactly miss the erection jabbing him in the belly every time either one of them moved.

"You know," Tucker remarked conversationally, "You're way overdressed for this."

"Mmmm," Archer agreed enthusiastically, still licking his way towards Trip's ear.

"What are you going to do about it?" Trip asked.

"You could try stripping me," Archer suggested, seriously working on Tucker's swollen lips with his own. He didn't expect Tucker to take him quite so seriously but within a couple of minutes, by dint of pulling and pushing him around, Tucker had Archer down to one sock, and that he decided he could leave alone. 

In return Archer pushed Tucker against the pillows at the end of the bed, at the same time searching for the lube which he handed to Tucker. He knelt up, hanging on to the headboard, dominating the younger man, as Tucker looked up into his face whilst stroking the cool gel between his cheeks and into his tight passage. The mouth-watering sight bobbing before him was too much for Tucker. Lightening fast he engulfed Archer's heavy erection and sucked hard whilst working three fingers inside him quickly. Archer pushed him off fast before he could try it again. He now had plans for this evening and they didn't include him coming in his lover's mouth, at least not just yet. 

Tucker tried to turn under him but Archer held him where he was, leaning against the pillows with his legs outstretched. Then he lowered himself, reaching back with one hand, guiding Tucker's cock so it slid inside him like a length of silk covered steel. He sighed as his buttocks rested against Tucker's groin. Tucker moaned, his fingers digging into Archer's thighs. Archer took hold of Tucker's hands and held them entwined under his against the bed head, at each side of Trip's face. Then he took a firmer hold on the bed head and the hands under his, lifting himself a little way off then letting his body weight lower him down, Trip filling him to the hilt. Trip was trapped in this position. His hands held in Jon's hands and his body pinned to the bed by Jon's body.

Jon didn't close his eyes. He locked his gaze onto Trip's face making the experience almost mystical in its intimate intensity. He didn't want to miss a second of this, not one expression or cry or groan. Even when they kissed he kept his eyes intent on the beloved face in front of him. Trip's hands, rhythmically clutching his, and the bunching muscles of his thighs keeping him anchored in the here and now. Jon kept the pace deliberately slow, not allowing Trip to rush along to completion. He wanted this to last as long as physically possible. When Trip's expression turned from extreme pleasure to one that could be mistaken for pain, Jon leaned back slightly, freeing one hand, pressing on a spot along Trip's perineum. Trip's cry was abruptly cut off as he was prevented from ejaculating. Jon saw Trip's face screw up as he moaned, overwhelmed by a bright wash of pleasure. Jon continued with his slow, slow torture until Trip was begging him to move faster, to let him come and fill him. Jon's hands were sliding on the bed head with their mingled sweat, their breathing a sweet counterpoint to each other. 

"Jon, please. Jon!"

"Not yet," he gasped. "Not yet, not yet!"

Trip screwed his face up as he tried to take control and gain the release his body was craving. But Jon inexorably maintained the maddeningly slow pace until Trip struggled and managed to free his hands. Then he began to set the pace by masturbating Jon, using every trick he could think of until eventually even Jon's iron control faltered and he rode Trip as hard and fast as demanded. Jon came, a silent scream on his lips, his life seed coating Tucker's belly even as Trip forcefully pumped his own seed deep inside him, his reverberating, soul deep groan a testament to the force of his orgasm.

 

After the frantic climax of their love making, the aftermath felt incredibly peaceful and mellow. Lying in Jon's arms the back of his head resting against Jon's shoulder, half dozing in the darkened room with the faint, ever present, throb of the engines as a comforting background vibration Trip had almost slid into sleep when Jon's voice came out of the darkness, asking,

"How did you know it was me who was doing CPR?"

"Saw you," Trip murmured.

The hand softly stroking his upper arm ceased its motion.

"How? To all intents and purposes you were dead."

"Don't know how. Just remember I couldn't breathe all of a sudden, I grabbed the front of your uniform. I wanted to tell you… tell you something, then I couldn't see or breathe or hear. Everything went black and then grey. Then suddenly I could see again, I felt fine but I was looking down at you all and I could see myself lying on the ground. Malc was wiping my mouth, then trying to breathe for me. You were pressing on my chest. I saw Malc take the tracheotomy kit and strap it on to me, then, nothing. I woke up in sickbay with Dr Phlox."

The hand on his arm restarted its slow soothing stroking motion, lulling him again. A few minutes later Jon said,

"It must have been important."

"What?" Trip asked, deliberately misunderstanding him.

"Whatever you wanted to tell me whilst you were dying," Jon elaborated sardonically.

When no answer was forthcoming he asked,

"Come on, what was it?"

Trip squeezed the hand in his and reached back for the other hand, which was readily given into his keeping.

"You have to understand I didn't think I was coming back, I thought that was it, finito, the end."

"You weren't the only one who thought that, Trip," Jon replied heavily, with a shudder.

Trip nodded and kissed the palm nearest his lips.

"I realised when I was dying I hadn't told you something and suddenly it was so, so important that I should tell you how I feel about you, even if it was only once." Trip hesitated for a second before screwing up his courage and saying,

"I wanted to tell you I love you."

For a few seconds Jon didn't move, then he gently pulled his hand away from Trip's and went back to stroking his upper arm.

"You've gone very quiet," Trip said softly.

"Not a lot I can say after that."

"Isn't there?"

"What do you want me to say? Thanks for taking eight years and a near death experience to finally come to the same decision I came to the first time I met you?"

Tucker closed his eyes in exasperated pain.

"Jon, I wasn't ready for that then! We both needed to concentrate on our careers."

"Don't remember it stopping you from jumping my bones the first chance you got."

"Well, no," Tucker replied with bad grace. 

"And it didn't stop you from trying to fuck me through the mattress for those two weeks in Australia, either," Archer reminded him gleefully.

"I'm not going to win here, am I?" Tucker asked turning to face Jon and laughing.

"No," Archer replied, tightening his hold on Tucker. "Just lie back and enjoy it," he said, smiling.

Trip smoothed the palm of his hand along Archer's cheek. Looking him in the eye he solemnly told him,

"I can't make up for all the times I've denied it, but I want you to know that I love you Jonathan Archer, and don't ever doubt or forget it."


End file.
